Derek Sivers

Prepare your “no” and keep it handy

Derek Sivers — Thu, 14 May 2026 22:06:51 GMT

Someone asks you to do something, and you feel that pressure to answer immediately.

You don’t really want to do it, but don’t know how to say so on the spot.

You avoid confrontation, and say OK.

You regret it, and later think of how your ideal eloquent self should have said no.

I felt the pain of this, over and over again. Then I finally figured out a solution that’s worked wonderfully for years.

I took an hour to write a really nice “no” in advance. Considerate, but decisive. Not too long, but not too short. Generalized and versatile for all situations.

I saved it on my computer and phone, to copy and paste. Now as soon as I get an unwelcome request? Tap-tap-tap. COPY-PASTE-SEND in three seconds, and it’s out of mind.

No anguish. No discomfort. No resentment. No procrastination.

It feels rude to reject so quickly, but I know this refusal is the kindest I could have written. Yet it took three seconds to send. And I can use it over and over again. Amazing.

A few people have written back saying it was the nicest “no” they’ve received.

Next: I memorized the gist of my text to use in-person.

It’s so handy in those high-pressure moments where someone is looking you in the eyes, asking you to do something, and awaiting your answer. No problem! You have it memorized and ready-to-go, even when unexpected. You can be kind but decisive on the spot.

I won’t post my text here, since it needs to be in your natural voice. But here’s my outline, in case it helps:

a clear “no” right away
gratitude, since I’m honored by my value implied in the ask
explanation that to stay focused on a bigger “yes”, I’m saying “no” to everything else
good wishes, and if my situation is temporary, an invitation to ask again next year

Four sentences is enough. Nobody wants verbosity here.

Original post: https://sive.rs/n0

My life was changed by four sentences in four books

Derek Sivers — Wed, 13 May 2026 03:47:52 GMT

Last week someone asked why I prefer books. My immediate answer was that I love their quiet, non-commercial nature. No ads. No hype. Just quiet wisdom with deep rewards for a focused mind.

But today I realized something more profound: Each of my biggest life-changing moments came from a single sentence deep inside a book.

#1 : Island by Aldous Huxley

This is a novel about a British man who shipwrecks on an island with an ideal culture. The natives are role models of mental and emotional health.

While rock climbing, someone says the instructor used to be her physics teacher. The British man is surprised, so she explains that in their culture, it’s healthy to switch jobs every two years, ideally to something the opposite of what you’ve been doing.

I was 22 years old, two years into a job. The first year, I learned so much, but the second year was just comfortable.

After reading that one sentence in this little novel, I quit, and that was the last time I ever had a job.

#2 : Doing Music and Nothing Else by Peter Knickles

I was 23 years old, trying to be a full-time musician in New York City, making an average of $100 per gig.

I went to a weekend seminar called “Doing Music and Nothing Else”. The workbook said there’s an organization, called the National Association of Campus Activities, that hires entertainers to come perform at universities, for $1000 to $5000 per gig.

I was determined to get into that scene, so I joined the organization, and spent a couple years working hard to crack it. I eventually mastered it, playing at 300 colleges around the country.

With the money from those shows, I bought a house.

#3 : Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina

200-something pages into this book, it said that to keep learning, we need to be surprised. For example, read books about subjects you know nothing about. Or ideally, it said, move to a place far away, very unlike home, so that you’ll be surprised every day.

This hit me hard. I was comfortable and successful, inside my expertise, and rarely surprised.

So in the name of learning and growth, I took the book’s advice to an extreme. I forced myself to leave America forever, to live around the world for the rest of my life.

#4 : How to Get Rich by Felix Dennis

As I was selling my company for $22 million, I saw this book in a book store, and read it for pure entertainment.

The author made millions pretty early, then spent another thirty years pursuing more and more, amassing $800 million. But he used himself as a cautionary tale. He had huge regrets. He said those decades of pursuing more only made him miserable, and if he could do it all over again, he would stop at $30 million, to spend the rest of his life planting trees and writing poetry.

I was at a crucial point. I was about to pursue the path of a serial tech entrepreneur, using the proceeds from my first sale to launch a bigger thing. But I respected his perspective, followed his advice, and haven’t worked for money since then.

----

I have more examples like this, but these are the biggest.

And this is why I read books carefully, all the way to the end, looking for another sentence that will change my life.

Original post: https://sive.rs/4s4b

Geography is four-dimensional

Derek Sivers — Wed, 06 May 2026 23:42:01 GMT

Forty years ago, a family moved from India to Canada, and raised their children with “Indian values”. When those children visited India last year, the locals laughed at their outdated beliefs. What their family had said were facts were just a perspective from 1980.

Twenty years ago, I lived in Los Angeles. Talking with an old friend that’s still there, I said it’s the nicest place I’ve ever lived, and why. She said, “Oh wow. You haven’t been here in a while. It’s not like that anymore.” She said my description was like looking at an old photo from 1999.

Last year I went to China and loved it. So clean, polite, efficient, and all-around nice. A German friend said I’m crazy because “China is filthy, rude, noisy, and awful - with everyone spitting and pushing.” I asked when he was there, and he said 2002. Ah! But that place is long gone. It’s not like that anymore.

When someone speaks of a place, you have to ask, “When?” Geography is four-dimensional. You can’t know a place - only a place as it was at a time. Where is bound to when. Unless you are in a place right now, you can only speak of it in past-tense.

I was born in America, but the last year I lived there, George Bush was president. So I’m not from the current place, though it has the same name.

Like Doc stepping out of a time machine. “I’m from here, but not this here!”

I used to describe myself as American, but that’s becoming less true with time. I’m from the America of the 80s, 90s and early 2000s.

But that place is long gone. It’s not like that anymore.

Original post: sive.rs/4d

Netizen

Derek Sivers — Mon, 04 May 2026 01:45:08 GMT

I can relate to the original meaning of this old term that means to be good citizen of the internet.

Wikipedia says a “netizen” is someone who actively contributes to the development of the internet, not for personal gain or profit, but to make the internet a better place.

I’ve been online since 1993. In 1993, the only way to connect a Mac to the internet (unless you were at a university) was to buy a big paper book on TCP/IP networking, to get the floppy disk inside the back cover that had the MacTCP drivers with SLIP and PPP, so you could connect a dial-up modem to your computer.

Imagine what kind of nerds go to that trouble. That’s who was on the internet in 1993.

It was an amazingly helpful place. We used the web, Usenet, FTP, and email mailing lists to share what we knew. All of this was plain text. Images didn’t really come until a year later.

I was running a recording studio at the time, and I couldn’t get my hardware to sync, so I posted my problem in a Usenet forum, and the next day a man from Trinidad taught me how to fix it.

In return, I shared what I had learned about how to copyright your songs, trademark your band name, and get gigs at universities. The U.S. copyright and trademark office was years away from putting their forms online, so I bought a flatbed scanner and scanned their paper forms, sharing them on my website. Wired magazine and many forums pointed to my website as a helpful resource for musicians, since it was the only place online to get these forms and instructions.

There was no advertising, and no talk of money. I met someone who said he wanted to make money online, and I tried to explain to him that that’s not what the internet is about. It’s a free helpful place where everyone contributes and benefits from others’ contributions.

I wasn’t naïve. I’m not trying to sound pure-of-heart. It really was the culture and vibe at that time.

Slowly the culture around me changed, so now it seems I need to explain my strange behavior — why I don’t monetize everything like everyone else. I’m just a product of my place and time. 1993 shaped how I think of the internet, and I’m keepin’ on in that original spirit.

Like picking up trash where you walk, even if the rest of the world is full of litter. You keep doing what you can to make things better.

Now my netizen contribution is to…

answer emails from about 10,000 people per year
run NowNowNow.com, and
keep sharing everything I can on my site.

Original at https://sive.rs/netizen

What next?

Derek Sivers — Wed, 29 Apr 2026 09:25:13 GMT

I have so much more to say on this subject, but this book is done now because I believe short books are useful. So the conversation continues on the website:

sive.rs/u

There you will find more thoughts and stories around “Useful Not True”. Please email me any questions or thoughts. I reply to every one. Go to:

sive.rs/contact

To share my books with others, get them directly from me with quantity discounts, at:

sivers.com

I hope you found this book useful, not true.

—— Derek Sivers
New Zealand
June 2024 (Saturday, winter)

https://sive.rs/u60

Reframing death

Derek Sivers — Tue, 28 Apr 2026 09:24:28 GMT

For the last three years, my boy and I have had a pet mouse. We got her from a pet store, and he’s carried her in his hand through so many adventures in forests, beaches, and playgrounds. She sat on many little handmade boats down the creeks of New Zealand. Sand castles and Lego houses built just for her. Drawings and stories for and about her. You’ve never seen a mouse so loved.

The past six months, she’s been next to me on my desk, twelve hours a day, as I wrote this book. Moving slower and wobbling, looking like she’s in pain. This week, she kept falling over when trying to eat. Thirty minutes ago, she died. I’m surprised how much I’ve been crying.

As soon as she died, she looked at peace for the first time in months. It led to a thought that seems like a nice end to this book, and gives it extra meaning for me. Heaven is such a useful reframing. Maybe it’s the original reframing. Death can be terrifying or devastating, so no wonder every culture found a way to reframe it.

Some people avoid loving pets or even people, because they’re scared of the eventual heartbreak and loss. But avoiding sadness is like listening to music with only major chords. The minor chords are so beautiful. I’m crying, but isn’t that wonderful? It’s a part of a rich life.

And even that is reframing. It’s a useful belief that has helped me love people and pets, again and again.

https://sive.rs/u59

You are what you pretend to be

Derek Sivers — Mon, 27 Apr 2026 09:23:24 GMT

Your outside doesn’t need to match your inside.

You can feel terrified inside, but just pretend to be brave for one minute. By doing that, you were actually brave.

You might be a total introvert, but need to attend an event, so you act social for one hour. By pretending to be social, you were.

You can imitate your role model. Many top performers have an alter ego — a Jekyll to their Hyde or vice-versa — a side of themselves they personify and bring out when needed. It’s not Maria who negotiates. It’s El Tigre.

I wasn’t usually in the mood to be a good dad. But knowing how important it is, I’d collect my strength and do the right thing for a few minutes or hours — a short burst of being who my boy needed me to be. After years of that, we have an amazing relationship, and he tells everyone he has the best dad ever.

You are your actions. Your actions are you. Your self-image doesn’t matter as much.

When you realize what you need to do, it doesn’t mean that’s who you need to be. You can just pretend.

https://sive.rs/u58

Keep tuning and adjusting

Derek Sivers — Sun, 26 Apr 2026 09:21:46 GMT

When I got my first guitar, the nice man at the shop put on new strings and tuned it. A week later, I brought it back to the shop because it sounded terrible. He told me it was just out of tune. I said, “But you tuned it already!” He explained that I constantly have to re-tune it every time I play.

Same with adopting a new mindset. Every week, back in the journal, reflecting, talking with friends, and making adjustments.

Sometimes you need to stick to the plan exactly, and only adjust your thoughts. Sometimes you need to update the plan. Use your wisdom to decide.

Don’t be discouraged when you get off course. A big benefit of keeping a journal is that you can go back and review it, to remind yourself what you’re doing and why.

https://sive.rs/u57

Take the first step immediately

Derek Sivers — Sat, 25 Apr 2026 09:20:43 GMT

I spent basically my whole life in America, and had no desire to travel or be anywhere else. But one day I was thinking about growing older, and how people get stuck in their ways as they age. I thought what a learning experience it would be to move somewhere far away — somewhere that surprises me every day. Doing that often would be great for my brain.

The more I wrote about it in my journal, the more I felt it matched my values. So, out of curiosity, I looked up the price of a flight to London. I picked a random departure date four months away, and a return date six months after that. It was only $400 round trip — a crazy sale price too good to miss. So without hesitation, I typed in my credit card and booked it.

It took a few seconds to realize what I’d done. I just committed to moving to London for six months. Whoa.

Four years later, I was living in Singapore, had a baby with a woman from India, and moved to New Zealand to raise him. I’m a citizen of three countries now, and deeply happy with my life. I think of the impact of impulsively booking that flight.

On the other hand, there were many times where I thought I wanted something — in theory — then took the first step, and realized I was wrong. Taking action tests your thought in reality.

Here’s a good rule from experience: If you’re considering something destructive — that would hurt someone or yourself — be very reluctant, keeping all other options in mind for some time. But for anything else, take the first step immediately, without hesitation. Start momentum.

https://sive.rs/u56

Why your choice is wrong

Derek Sivers — Fri, 24 Apr 2026 09:18:57 GMT

No matter what choice you make, someone will tell you it’s wrong.

It’s wrong because it’s not what they would have chosen.

It’s not what they need.

It’s not the choice of other people they know.

It’s not what an expert recommends.

The prosecution rests their case.

You might feel a need to defend it, or argue why you’re right. Don’t bother.

It’s not for them, or anyone else. It’s not even for your future or past. It’s only for you, and only for now.

Your choice helps you do what you need to do, be who you want to be, or feel at peace.

It improves your current actions.

That’s enough.

No need to argue that it’s true.

https://sive.rs/u55

Talk with friends to solidify it

Derek Sivers — Thu, 23 Apr 2026 09:17:45 GMT

After you privately internalize a belief, talk about it with friends. Explaining it to different people helps you refine it. They might see an angle or consequence you hadn’t considered.

You hear it for the first time outside your own mind. You’ll hear it sound wrong or right when telling someone else.

It feels like an announcement. It helps solidify the decision. You can ask them for help to support your choice, and to hold you to it.

We know ourselves through others. If people say you have nice eyes, then you must have nice eyes. When your friends acknowledge your belief and echo it back to you, it really feels like reality.

https://sive.rs/u54

Private journal to internalize it

Derek Sivers — Wed, 22 Apr 2026 09:16:45 GMT

Once you find a viewpoint you want to adopt, a great tool to internalize it is a private journal. Whether you write, type, or just talk, the point is to fill your mind with this new perspective.

Strengthen it by stacking up the reasons why you chose it.
“Here’s how this will help me: ____”
“Here’s how this will help others: ____”

Clarify it by defining it so simply that it’s easy to remember.
“Here’s how I’d explain it to a stranger in ten seconds: ____”

Plan it with a specific list of actions.

Picture the changes vividly. Describe your new self-identity and its implications.

Prepare for setbacks. Outsmart your future self that will try to revert to your old mindset. Trick the trickster in advance.

Come back and review your journal often, so you can remind yourself of your decision, reasons, vision, and plan.

https://sive.rs/u53

No new instructions for the computer

Derek Sivers — Tue, 21 Apr 2026 09:14:48 GMT

You load the program into the computer, and it begins its calculations. It’s computing. It’s working hard, and it’s going to take some time.

If you interrupt it with new instructions, it has to begin all over again, because the parameters have changed. If you keep giving it new information, it will never finish its job.

People who tell me they are lost and running in circles have one thing in common: They say they keep listening to podcasts, reading books, watching videos, doing courses — taking in more and more information — and still don’t know what to do.

Consider the computer metaphor for yourself. You’ve taken in so much information, and heard so many instructions. That’s enough input. It’s time for output. Run the program. Stop interrupting yourself with new information. Let yourself execute one plan of action, and see it through to fruition.

https://sive.rs/u52

From explorer to self-leader

Derek Sivers — Mon, 20 Apr 2026 09:13:38 GMT

Picture the stereotype of an explorer, hundreds of years ago, on an expedition to uncharted lands. The explorer tries everything. Up that river. Down that valley. Into every inlet. The explorer finds a nice harbor that would make a great port, and notifies the queen.

The queen appoints a captain to lead people to this new place. The leader is focused entirely on this destination. “Here’s where we’re going. Here’s why. Here’s how. Let’s go.” The leader describes the plan clearly and simply so it’s easy to understand and repeat.

The leader goes in a straight line, obstinate and undistracted. If a storm sends the ship off course, it gets back on course. If you tried to suggest, halfway there, “What if we tried somewhere else, instead?”, the leader would ignore you.

This is a metaphor for two sides of yourself.

When making a change in your life or your mind, you start by exploring. You take in tons of information, and keep searching for different perspectives.

Eventually, you don’t need more information or time. You’ve found some good options. You need to decide. You need to switch from explorer to leader — to leading yourself.

Stop considering other viewpoints. Stop changing the course. Pick a destination and cut off other options. “Here’s where I’m going. Here’s why. Here’s how. Let’s go.” Describe the plan clearly and simply so it’s easy to remember. Go in a straight line, obstinate and undistractable. Ignore that explorer inside of you that says, “What if I tried something else, instead?”

You can go back to exploring after you arrive at your destination.

https://sive.rs/u51

How to decide and make the best choice

Derek Sivers — Sun, 19 Apr 2026 09:11:49 GMT

You can do anything. But you can’t do everything. You have to decide. If you don’t decide, you get nothing.

You can think of a hundred paths to follow. But you can’t follow them all. Use time. One path now. Other paths maybe later. Otherwise you’ll never get anywhere.

How do you know what’s the best choice? Trick question! No choice is the best in itself. A choice becomes the best when you choose it. That’s when you make your decision congruent. You find plenty of proof to support it. Evidence against it is useless. You align yourself with your choice.

Best of all, you take action. By letting go of other options, you concentrate your energy and time. You make it part of your identity, and act accordingly. You become effective. You do the work that makes it a great choice.

https://sive.rs/u50

An awesome collection of great questions

Derek Sivers — Sat, 18 Apr 2026 09:10:43 GMT

This is where I would share powerful questions that you can answer for big insights and change. But here’s why I’m not:

I’ve read books that have long lists of questions. But when I’m reading, I want to keep reading, not stop for hours or days at that spot, pondering every question.

I’ve read books that act like a workbook, giving many blank pages with lines, expecting you to write your answers in that space. Does anyone actually do this? It doesn’t work on the ebook or audiobook. I’d rather use my own journal.

If I put questions here, I’d think of better ones after the book is published.

So here’s what we’ll do: Go to sive.rs/u

That’s the permanent website for this book, where I’ll keep an ever-improving collection of helpful questions, free for you to take and use whenever you want. I hope you agree that it’s better than this page of this book could ever be.

https://sive.rs/u49

Five tiny tales of reframing

Derek Sivers — Fri, 17 Apr 2026 09:08:36 GMT

On the Olympic podium stood the winners of the gold, silver, and bronze medal. The silver medalist was so angry at herself for not being just a little bit faster — just milliseconds away from winning the gold. The bronze medalist was so happy with herself, just milliseconds away from winning nothing.

The former student was disheartened that she was failing at everything, so she went back to visit her old teacher. When she told him her troubles, the old man said, “Guess my secret number from 1 to 100.”
“50?”
“Higher.”
“75?”
“Lower.”
With each try she smiled more, until she correctly guessed the number. Then she thanked him for the reminder that every wrong guess is not a failure, but just one step closer to success.

Two Japanese businessmen visiting Brazil had scheduled lunch to be delivered at 1pm. When the food finally arrived at 3pm, one of the men was furious. The other man was amused to witness this example of how differently their cultures treat time, and laughed at his own expectations.

A couple had been married for many years, but just divorced. The man’s friends approached him with sad sensitivity, “Oooh. You must be devastated.” But one friend greeted him with joy saying, “Congratulations! Nobody leaves a great relationship. I’m proud you both put an end to the struggle.” This made him feel better for the first time.

How long should we mourn a loved one’s death? For some people it’s years or the rest of their life. But in a traditional New Orleans funeral, musicians accompany the coffin down the street, and after a few minutes of a solemn slow dirge, the music turns festive in a happy celebration. The funeral is a parade to honor that person’s life, and the focus turns from grief to appreciation. Switching from sad to happy is always an option, even at the worst times in life.

https://sive.rs/u48

Traits of useful perspectives

Derek Sivers — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 09:07:14 GMT

To list all the beliefs I’ve found useful would fill a whole book. (Actually, four books so far, since that’s what my previous books were about.) So instead, for your own ideation, it might help if I list the traits that my most useful perspectives have shared:

Direct: Go directly for what I really want, instead of using other means to get there. This requires soul-searching of my real motivations. What do I really want? And what’s the point of that? Am I keeping a job just to feel secure? Getting a university degree for the status? Starting a business for the freedom? Instead, find a more efficient path to the real end result.

Energizing: I’ll think of many smart but uninspiring perspectives, then one makes me bolt straight up in my seat, full of excitement. It inspires me to take immediate action. Note that fear is a form of excitement.

Self-reliant: It doesn’t depend on anything out of my control. It doesn’t need anyone’s approval or involvement. It doesn’t need anything to change. It works no matter what happens. It’s about the process, not the outcome.

Balancing: Lately I’ve had too much of something, and not enough of something else. Comfort versus challenge. Social-time versus me-time. Exploring versus focusing. Prioritize what’s been neglected.

Selfless: I see myself from the outside, and know that I basically don’t matter. My needs are nothing compared to other people’s, so how can I help? “Useful” means for them and the greater good.

Selfish: Generosity can go too far. Protect the goose that lays the golden eggs. Practice healthy self-respect and self-care that comes from self-worth.

Lucid and lasting: Coming from a good state of mind, not angry, hurt, envious, or upset — not even ecstatically happy. It’s smart, and still seems like a good perspective a day or week later when I’m in a different state.

Test first: No matter how certain I feel, test an idea in reality. Before deciding, try it. Before buying something big, rent it, more than once. Before quitting, take a break.

Healthy: Do the right thing — do what’s wise and good — even if I don’t feel like it. Ask my idealized highest self how to think of this.

Long-term: In the big picture of my whole life, this is just a phase. Keep my eyes on the horizon. Short-term discomfort or pain can bring a deeply fulfilling reward. Serve the future.

Compensating for bias and prejudice: Correcting a bias, like my example of bowling and frisbee, earlier in this book. Do the opposite of my instincts. If I tend to walk away, I choose to stay. When I notice I’m prejudiced against something, I choose to get to know it and appreciate it. These have been the best beliefs for personal growth.

https://sive.rs/u47

Expand your repertoire

Derek Sivers — Wed, 15 Apr 2026 09:04:40 GMT

To change, reach past what comes naturally. Avoid your defaults. Get guidance outside of yourself. Use a different tool.

“Oblique Strategies” is the name of a deck of cards where each card has one creative suggestion. When making music or anything, if you get stuck, you shuffle the cards, randomly pick one, and apply what it says. Some examples:

Not building a wall; making a brick.
Use an unacceptable color.
Honour thy error as a hidden intention.

I had a poster on my wall of twenty different circles painted by twenty different artists. Each circle had a very different style, color, filling, and texture. When I didn’t know what to do, I’d think how each artistic approach could be metaphorically applied to my life.

Now I learn about foreign cultures, and try to really understand the different worldviews. Instead of judging, I try to see the benefits of their perspective. I travel to inhabit philosophies.

In the spirit of all this, I wrote a book called “How to Live” that presents twenty-seven vastly different approaches to life, each taken to an extreme. It’s meant to be used like the oblique strategies or the paintings of circles. I consider this book (“Useful Not True”) to be like a prequel for that, so consider reading it next, in the mindset of reframing and finding other perspectives.

https://sive.rs/u46

Diamond in the trash

Derek Sivers — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 08:59:37 GMT

When things aren’t going well, you’re in a bad state of mind. If you ask yourself a healthy question, like “What’s great about this?”, your answer will probably be “Nothing! This is just bad!”

Don’t be so sure. Push past that first thought. Keep asking. You can always find something useful.

Use what you learned about brainstorming. Don’t stop at the second or third answer. Come up with crazy ideas.

Use what you learned from jigsaw puzzles. Start with the edges. Come up with extreme and ridiculous ideas that you’d never actually do, but are good for inspiration and finding the middle.

We resist good ideas that require us to change. You think you’re not that kind of person? Not yet, but you can be. Keep all ideas around.

You seem to be locked in a jail cell. But if you know there’s actually a secret exit, you’ll look harder, pushing and pulling everything until you find it.

You seem to be holding a bag of trash. But if you know there’s actually a diamond inside, you’ll sift through the junk until you find it.

Your mind has a lot of trash, and often tells you there’s no way out of your situation — there’s nothing great about this. But if you decide that there is, you’ll keep looking until you find it.

https://sive.rs/u45